It's a jungle out there - be prepared for everything - buy the Jungle Times today - you might need it next week
A number of new inhabitants has arrived by ship on our coast: A wild bunch dressed in dead animals and followed by large wolves and an even larger manwolf and no less than 3 separate groups of elves from the Shadowlands.
Part of one of the band of elves has returned home as they couldnīt take the heat in the jungle. The rest of that sorry band of elves are either feeding the local wildlife the hard way or have found another life in the rank of one of the other elven bands.
Besides these 'civilized' men a group of giant lizards and tadpoles has been seen in a jungle not far from our dear settlement.
A group of wild girls has been seen and hunted down by various groups of adventures. It is believed they are something called 'Amazones'. This paper will endeavour to get further information if possible.
The Jungle Times proudly present a short interview with the Lizard bandleader Qotal:
We are NOT lizards or tadpoles or any other sort of freaks. We are Lizardmen! I'm a proud and rather handsome member of the race of skink, as is all the rest of my normal sized brothers. The giants over by the fire are sauruses. Don't mind them, their bark is worse than their bite.
We are here to protect the jungle and our cities from all you degenerates, and... do you mind my eating that delicious fly on your shoulder if you don't want it yourself?
Later our reporter had some more words with Qotal. He was more tense but we got the following skinku:
It's going like hell
And it started so well
Elves we can speak into defeat
But theese elves are deaf...
Run awaaaaaaaay.
There has been some persistent rumours about local young ladies dancing naked in a clearing about 500 yards into the jungle. These rumours are not true.
There is now hard evidence that the sightings are in fact the so-called 'amazones' - a mysterious kind of people that are claimed to live forever young and hunting skinks and other mindless but cunning game in the jungle.
Should you run into a band of these girls and they start pointing sticks at you, evidence has been offered that it will be wise to dive for cover unless you really like to get a deep tan in a moment. The offending item are called 'Sunstaffs' and are rather tricky to use. At least that is the word from Sif 'the Hopeful Dealer'. Sif advice to anyone with a sunstaff is to bring it to him and not risk life and limb trying to figure out how to use it. In return for the sunstaff, Sif will remove the curse it has bestowed on the wielder free of charge AND give 3 shining coins of gold.
Last news: The flowerpower girl-band Divine Fire, led by Mizz Divine has woved to return to the heart of the jungle again, having taking one too many spanking in the hands of 'rough men'.
We will miss Divine.
Brave adventures has ventured into the near jungle and found treasure not dreamed about. So far the tally include 3 rare metal axes and some kind of native armour. More that one bandmember has been overheard saying 'This is not what I dreamed about finding'.
The notorious Lonely Loon has offered his well build stone house for sale. The readers might remember that Mr. Loon build his house amid the ruins of a small fishing village that he and his band 'The Loonies' burned and plundered.
The stone house are first quality masonry and are situated where the river 'Swift Water' split off the river 'Chatuk'. There are good fishing and hunting as well as the occasional dead wolf that can be found behind the house and skinned.
Mr. Loon wants to sell his house as he wants solitude and he has 'got fed up with visiting bands of crazed wolf-lovers, those ugly half-fish-half-frogs - not to mention that dammed elf that broke into my house and looted my dinner.'
The Jungle Times regets to inform its readers that a half drunken band of men from the far north has been left on our coast some days ago by an as yet unindentified ship. Any caring father should lock up his women untill futher notice.
The offending party are led by Erik Ormsbane (when he are half sober) and number at least one bezerker, Bjorn Hornblaas. This Bjorn is something new: an bezerker with a nerveous condition. But please don't laugh at him when he's around as he has no sense of humour but a lot of weapon and some kind of inferior complex.
The band call itself 'the Howlers' and it is generally believed that the name has nothing to do with the number of wolves that follow the beastly half man half wolf. He is not usually dangerous as his normal condition appears to be recovering from being beaten within half an inch of his life.
The Jungle Times congratulates Fiskeskalle with the promotion from a lowly bondsman into the inner circle of real crackheads. Fiskeskalle was promoted to fill a vacancy following form a so-called hero comming second best in an argument with a lot of fine points. Fiskeskalle is not daunted by the reputaion he now has to live up to: 'I'm sure I can fill his shoes, my feet are larger than his. And I think I'm understanding at least part of what we are doing here. I want a redhed. Besides this is a land of opportunities, We've only been into 4 combats and I'm just promoted to be a hero. OK, I'm just the 6th hero now, but the wulfen has to die sometime soon if he continue getting his head smashed and then I'll be promoted again. Or perhaps the mad bezerker will manage to do himself in first. I really did believe he had it comming when he charged that elf that just smiled and readyid his spear. All he did get was a greatlooking cut that split half his face, but perhaps next time he will manage a clean kill. Then it can't be long before I'm the leader of this band - you have noticed that Erik Ormsbane has a problem with the legs, right? Just wait some months and with a bit of luck something nasty will find us and eat the one that are slowest when we run. Jups, Lustria is the golden land of opportunities!'