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Jungle Times are proud to give an exclusive report from the recent battle of the Square of Gruff.
The Times reporters has spoken to representatives from all participating bands that took part in this epic battle and for the first time the true history of what transpired at the Square of Gruff can be told.
Four bands for adventures participated: the Howlers (wild men from the north), the Hunters (elves that are shooting challenged), Lizardmen anonymous (the home team) and Rats anonymous (foul Ratmen).
As the bands was moving silently forward along forgotten footpaths in the dense jungle, the Hunters came to a giant skeleton. While moving around that artefact they saw that they was indeed close to the Square of Gruff.
Unfortunately the Gruff was moving toward the elves and was sniffing loudly. Suddenly something else caught the attention of the Gruff and it turned away as did the undead minion it had reduced the village elder to become.
It was only too late the Hunters discovered that is was a band of lizardmen that the Gruff had discovered. The mighty Gruff didn't have time to eat the overgrown tadpoles as Gruff suddenly could smell wolves and lunacy from yet another corner.
Each band had heard rumours about the mighty Gruff that had slain an entire skink village and eaten all the gold idols. Eyes radiating pure greed the Howlers started the slaughter by running into the Square of Gruff as quick as their maimed leader Erik Ormsbane could limp.
Some of the wolves might have had some dark suspicions about what was about to happen as them sped forward towards their doom in the Square of Gruff with tails between their legs.
Using the well-proven tactic of mistake, the Howlers send the wolf pack charging into the mighty Gruff. The fatal flaw might have been to let Mr. Wulfen accompany them on such an important mission. Erik was as always leading from way back shouting orders to people he couldn't see.
As usually the rest of the wild bunch took position well back and prepared to shoot the Gruff. At that point they realised that they did not dare to shoot the Gruff as they might hit Mr. Wulfen - or worse a real wolf!
Looking desperate around looking for some excuse not to charge the Gruff, the shooters spotted the Hunters and loosened a minor hail of arrows felling one poor elf as well as the Gruffs undead minion.
After some largely ineffectual biting, the wolfs discovered that the Gruff was hungry and found them very tasty.
Sensing that it was time to do something heroic, the heroes from the Hunters forgot they were trained to shoot to kill and leave the dirty close up fighting to other people.
Luckily Evilee remembered that he had this less-that-useful-among-trees spell called Shadowbind. Checking that his familiar Viggo was close at hand and thankful of the extra lessons he had been taking in spell casting, Evilee let the magic loose and the mighty Gruff was transfixed by the shadows from the nearby wall.
A short dispute between the rangers was settled by throwing dice to see who would get the honour of killing the stunned Gruff.
The Howlers and the Hunters now decided to forget one certain arrow embedded in the chest of a dead elf. The band agreed upon splitting the treasures more or less even. The Howlers would get the first pick, but then it would be up to them to carry the heavy chest back to safety.
Little did the elves know that the deranged men from the north would let the crazed berserker Bjorn Hornblaas, dressed in yellow, run forward to pick up the chest. Elvis cunningly told his elves to abandon the area while shouting 'look a cookie' and pointing forward. Bilbo the cook ran forward and thus provided some protection should the deranged Bjorn Hornblaas forget his task and charge.
At this moment a horde of foul rats broke from cover and charged the Howlers in the flank. The pack had until then been hiding in the warehouse containing flour.
The chock of hearing the sound of men dying so close to him prompted Erik to call the retreat totally forgetting that this was what they had endured so much to find. Even Bjorn Hornblaas dropped the chest and fled thus proving that the colour he was wearing was his true colour.
The rats continued their rush and charged the group of elves that had collected the dropped treasure chest. Some serious fighting took place over the chest for some time. When the dust finally settled only a few rats was standing as well as a single elven ranger who was locked in a grudge match with a black skaven who despite using three swords could not land the telling blow.
Now that it was obvious to even those low thinkers that the rats would run away with the treasure, the lizards charged into the main elven force.
As true elven spear fighters, the elves gave about as good as they received, but as the rats renewed their assault on the elves it was only a question about time before the last elf would be on the ground.
As the lizardmen dropped the last elves standing before them, the rats grabbed the treasure chest. Not about to tolerate this act the two bands had agreed upon, the cold lizards charged every rat in reach.
True to the soul of ratness, the rats agreed that they would never get the chest to safety and they silently slipped away into the moonless night. As did the lone elven ranger still standing.
The cold-blooded machinations of Qotal had once again gifted the sons of Lustria with victory.